Counting Yellow Buses

"At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, 'I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure." (Luke 10: 21)

Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I am blessed to have my 3 year old son, Ayden, travel with me to work as he attends the daycare located in the same building. And so early in the morning, we load up the vehicle with his fifty snacks, toys, and other miscellaneous items and we make the fifteen mile trek straight north. We have a direct highway that takes us pretty much from the house to the church. The only problem is that there are twenty-six stoplights that we must travel. On a good day, i will catch about 5 or 6 stoplights. When this happens, there is much rejoicing in the car and a Old Testament sacrifice is made. But on a bad day, I will catch twenty-plus stoplights and it takes everything i have not to yell and scream at the inanimate object changing colors above me.

But recently, my son has started to play the game "I Spy" when we drive. His favorite thing to "spy" is a yellow school bus. With the most enthusiasm he can muster, he yells out, "It's a bus!" I in turn will mimic is cry and add "Another bus!" He then follows that up with, "This is crazy." I love it. I have found myself constantly looking for buses because I am caught up in the excitement that my son has for them. I personally could care less about buses but my son goes insane for them. And so it's contagious. I gotta find a bus... because this is crazy!

I believe it's amazing how infectious my son's excitement is for the simple things in life. He finds joy in simply spotting a school bus driving by. He finds joy in seeing something that you and I take no thought in. Again, I could care less but there is something to his joy that i long for. There is something to the simpleness of life that i know my life is not. I am cluttered with the thoughts of what has to be done and what needs to get done. I am stuffed with the ideas of how to change the world and how to improve things in the ministry i am involved. I am overloaded with tasks that beckon my attention. I believe that if i stop to count the buses the world will fall apart. Almost like some kind of nuclear explosion will happen and we will all end up zombies like in the movie "Zombieland". And all the while, my son is counting yellow buses.

I used to think that the older you get the wiser you become. I am not so sure. I am starting to believe the older you get, the dumber you become. Jesus alludes to this a little bit in Luke when he says that he has "hidden" things about faith and God from the intelligent and "revealed" them to children. I wonder sometimes, as an adult i think i know so much and i am so important to the world and I am so valuable that i think way more of myself than i should. Luckily, my son reminds me how dumb i can be sometimes. And so in the moments where i get frustrated or the moments where everything seems to be piling up around me and I am ready to yell and scream, i take a valuable lesson from my son and i count yellow buses.

My hope today is that i don't get caught up in all the mess. My hope today is that I don't try and do everything. My hope today is that I don't think more of myself than i should. While I am gifted by God, I am not God's gift. Instead I hope i can take time to breathe. I hope i can take time to smile and laugh. I hope i can take time to count the yellow buses as they drive by.

Look! Another one! This is crazy!

Morning Star Ranch

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have been made perfect, but i press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12-14)

I had the honor of traveling with some fellow staff members to a place called "The Morning Star Ranch" to see what God was doing in this ministry. For those that don't know what this is, it's a ranch out in the middle of nowhere north of Wichita, Kansas by about an hour. It's a beautiful spot in the Flint Hills surrounded by nothing but God's beautiful canvas that He has painted. Trees and wheat fields mixed in with rolling hills and a valley that was carved by God's very finger.

While they do retreats and camps and provide work opportunities, their main task is to take young men from the inner-city that have escaped from lives of drugs and alcohol, gang violence, and rough living situations to come and develop a deeper relationship with God. They help educate these men about God and his truth and love for them. They also provide opportunities to work and learn new skills that can help them in life. For two years these men are being poured into, loved, invested in, and trained in leading others. And then....catch this.... these men go back to their communities and become pastors and valuable members of the church. They go back to the rough neighborhoods and the violence and the poverty. They go back. Insane!!

I don't know about you but sometimes i need a place like this. A place where i can go and really meet God face to face for a showdown of sorts. A showdown between my will and His. A place where i can really seek Him and not get pulled down by the distractions of this life. A place where i can go and just be in His presence and not feel like I have to be but want to be. Some of the time, church becomes a business instead of a ministry. It becomes a place of work instead of life investment. It becomes more about the numbers than the lives.

And so i need a place where i can go and just get away from life to repent and seek God and be with Him. I know He never leaves and is always there but I need help to see Him and to be with Him. I need help to remove the shades that have darkened my eyes. I need to get away. And so i need to escape. I need a ranch. I need the holiness and solitude of God to invade me and revive my tired spirit.

But this is the part I have to remind myself..... I have to go back. I have to go back to the "normal" life. Sometimes i would rather sit and hide from the world. I have so many fears of the world that i get overwhelmed and would rather retreat than face the challenges that come. But i can't do that. I have to get back in the race. I have to keep running. I am not done. Just like the young men that come to this ranch, i have to go back and do the work I have been called to do. And it's not about fulfilling a deadline or trying to reach a goal. It's about changing lives and calling others to the wonderful adventure of following a God that loves us and has more in store for us than we could ever imagine. And so i have to go back.

I have not finished the race.

I know most people probably write some pretty profound things on their blogs. I know that most people probably come up with deep thoughts about life, love, relationships, the world. But that's just not me. I am a simple man with simple thoughts about all of the above. I don't have some deep philosophy that drives me nor do i claim to have the answers to life. I don't know where i will be in five years and I barely remember what happened five days ago. I am not a guru at what i do nor am i the most intelligent.

For the last eight years i have been a student pastor and i have watched lives be changed and lives fall apart. I have watched people that really understood faith and some that had no idea what following Christ was all about. I have watched people fight over rules and regulations in the church and some that simply did what they were called to do without apologizing. And through it all, i have felt at times that if Jesus was around, even he would get burnt out on church. I have to imagine that even a few times he would have gotten tired and just walked away to go do his own thing.

But the beauty of God is that even though He may get frustrated with us, He never tires of us. He never throws in the towel and He never gives up. And so why should i be any different. This blog is about the pursuit of something more in life than just burning out. This blog is about trying to live a life of meaning and fulfillment. This blog is simply put a chance for me to say i am tired of the ritual and i am ready for passion, adventure, and life. Real life.